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23 Oct

This is not mine, but nonetheless it deserves to be reprinted. In fact, what is expressed here is quite behind the times and matters have only gotten 1,000% worse! So, with deep appreciation to the original writer, here is an unfortunate obituary as it appeared at the time of its original printing:

An Obituary printed in the London Times…..Absolutely Dead Brilliant!!

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Commonsense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; And maybe it was my fault.

Commonsense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

However, his health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but brainless and overbearing regulations were set in place and such produced such idiocies as a 6-year-old boy being charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student! These were only a few examples among countless others which only worsened his condition.

Commonsense lost more ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. His health declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and chose to have an abortion.

Commonsense lost the will to live when the churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than their victims and when victims couldn’t defend themselves from a criminal without breaking some law and giving the criminal the opportunity to sue the victim for assault. Finally, Commonsense gave up altogether when a woman refused to acknowledge that a steaming cup of coffee was in fact hot and was burned when she carelessly spilled a little in her lap. When she sued for damages and was promptly awarded a huge settlement for her own stupidity, Commonsense gave up the ghost.

Commonsense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, and by his children, daughter, Responsibility and son, Reason. Sadly, he is survived by many bastard relations including I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I’m A Victim and You Have to Pay Me for Doing Nothing.

Few attended his funeral because few realized he was gone. Indeed, few ever knew that he existed in the first place! If you still remember Commonsense, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.


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